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... at least im not so angry...

after an uneventful night of driving around, almost getting caught, and blah blah blah, i come home to find a text from junior...

"thanks for the chips!"







i wanna stab his left eye out.... i was SOOOOO looking forward to coming home, watching an episode of michiko to hatchin and eating my fritos... washing it all down with some aloe water.


... gonna shank a n!gga when i sees him next... n!gga betta watch his nuts!

just another day...

but today is the day that i chose to post an update on my very mundane life.

i really don't see what all the fuss is about... even when i was in a relationship at this time past, it wasn't much of anything to me.

I was hoping to get lucky today... but it failed... TWICE. ((please note, when I say "today", it's technically yesterday... my day doesn't end until i wake up the next day)) I was so full of pent-up anger and rage and frustration (which a few guys picked up on as being sexual... i couldn't deny it, really) that I was pretty much useless at work for the last two or three hours. i lost track of time... i was basically hiding in the shoe aisle with my coworkers.

I just wanted to kick or punch something... I needed a release... I was angry and I didn't really know why.

then on my way out, i catch the last little bit of monica's "just one of them days".... if that didn't make me smile, then hearing the original "killing me softly" (i forgot the songstress' name) definetly did.

my rage has decreased substancially, but yeah, still a little twerked.

and this nasty grey meat is nasty. if you ever decide to get michelina's out of desperation, stay AWAY from the noodles stroganoff... ugh. NO salt NO pepper NO taste NO colour... effin' hell, yo. effin' hell.

There's no continuity in the way i typed this journal entry... the punctuation etc. is pissing me off, but i'm not going back to fix it all.

so thirsty.... so cold....

it's a metaphorical and literal cold!

i'm so deliciously stupid, i taste sour...

but this time, it's because of a classmate.

iunno... it's like... iunno! ack, i'm being stupid.

he's cute, funny, smart, and has m@d l33t skyllz--> see this! --> http://nadienne.deviantart.com/art/seizuresssssss-110010181 my pictures, his jazzhands, hahaha!

there's something different about him, though... dunno what it is... but yeah... im going through his pictures, and i'm laughing.... in class, he grabbed my zune and was amazed by my collection and variety in tastes-- he actually said "you like everything, don't you?" he kept having "omg" moments while going through my list, which made me smile.

we laughed, we joked, threw up random hand signs... it makes me like mondays.

and then i came to one picture and stopped completely...

he was at anime north in 2007.... ZOMG MUCH?!

i must get smarter... as so that i can impress him with not just my musical prowess, illustrative talents, off-colar humor, and awkward comments, but also with my tech-savviness! i must eat sleap and live flash! i shant let him see me looking like a noobtard! not ever again! rawr!

i think i'm gonna go do some crunches, yoz.

and who knows... mebbe i'll have a date to the 'con...?


... k. my current song is a REALLY bad coincidence......

though he DID stretch backwards a few times, makin his shirt lift up, tee hee...  i caught a few glimpses of his tummy, tee hee... he's got a wee treasure trail tee hee hee~!

ugh. i've got gas.

i blame that can of tomato soup i had for dinner.

and potentially that chocolate milk i had for lunch, herm.


scary thought...

so like... my ex's ex died today...

car acident.

facebook alerted us.

alerted him, really, then his status alerted me...

so i went to her page, 'cause i know it's public.

i told him that her page is public.

he didn't know-- they ended sour.

he wants to attend the viewing on saturday, but has no money

(if he filed his taxes like any good person... but this isn't the time or place, and nobody needs to know that)

i've never been good at comforting people, especially him.... so the talk was very short.


i really wish i could, y'know, DO something...

but i don't know what to do

i didn't even know what to do with myself those times.

but... a thought came to mind...

besides wanting to comfort my friend.

i have amassed many friends online

many connections that i really like.


what if i were to pass...

and like... nobody knew?

i mean... these people?

you people?

frankly, facebook doesn't have a "is no longer alive" feature that automatically kicks in when someone goes kaput.

i thought of keeping a record of all my passwords somewhere... but... iunno.

really, truly, and honestly, i'd just want this (livejournal), my deviantart, my website, my facebook, my myspace, and my twitter to be updated, and for the website, cancelled/ closed (though there's no content or whatevs, so it's already like it's closed haha).

y'feel me?

and no, this isn't one of those stupid little emo bullshit pre-suicide letters to the world... although i CAN be pretty emo at times, i've amassed too much and have too much to do to go and die just yet.

is it stupid for me to think that on my list of "to do's" is "have an abortion"? well... iunno... i've never thought of having kids, and maybe i'd like to... or maybe i just want to know i can actually get pregnant... with all the crap going on with my lady parts, it'd be nice to know that they really are in working order. iunno. i'm talking hot fart.

anywhoo's, i think i'm going to go and write my passwords down somewhere and go do something else. hopefully not eat.

handwritten-- 120608

you run into my *best* friend @ her place and give her a ride to work... because you happen to be visiting someone else, or some shit like that. i don't know what to say, really...

yes, i know that this goes against the whole handwritten thing, but i didn't feel the urge after swearing.

though i'll deny and protest...

i'm still envious of the cool kids.

no, not that up-and-coming rap group (though they are totally slaying it!)

but the actual kids from high school...

i knew them

i know them

and i always feel like no matter what i do

i'll always be living in their shadows

breathing their dust

watching them do the things i'll never do

the things i never did

for reasons i don't know why.

maybe its because i have that stupid little voice in my head that tells me things

things that never happened

but probably could have.

things that are happeneing

and im not apart of.

the way i've lived my life has skewered my perception of the world so badly.

i don't think there's any way to fix it.

that's the way the cookie crumbles, i suppose...

and on that note, i think i'm going to go eat one.

(no, not really, i'm full to bursting point on chips and salsa... ugh)
i miss my hair.

and i miss colouring it.

i should go to bed now. no reading shall be done so it seems.


you'd think i'd find something better to do at quarter to one in the morning...


i want want WANTTTTT that beautiful shade of yellow i saw @ MAC... and that purple eyeliner.... mmmm!

add some magenta shadow to boot... mebbe orange?

mmm... mebbe the blue-green-black w/ the purple liquid eyeliner on the bottom?

i think i found my newest collectionnnn~!

i've not collected anything in a long time... this'll be fun.

'cept the part where i stab my eye out w/ liquid eyeliner... or eyeliner in general.... this was surprisingly a lot of work...

mostly because this is a first for me... at least i know what to do now~! it should take less time next time around...

btw, this is what im thinking of doing for next friday night.... i should talk to liz and find out whatta gwa'an.....

i'm not mad... not anymore!

about these long-ass shifts!

'cause i just got paid...

and now i'm $508.89 richer~!

whut, betches~!

top it off, that dumb CSM got FIRED! so so happy!

imma dance now~!



So... starting this January, I'm going to get serious with my money. I'm too old to be living like an Idiot Teenager... but thankfully, I'm young enough to start taking charge of the situation and rectifying it before it's too late.

I would like to move out (late) next year (at the earliest), because frankly, I just can't live here anymore... and nobody wants to hear baby moan and bitch anymore. I've got the basics of my life down-pact'd... I can cook (if need be!), I can clean, I can do laundry... I probably won't bring my bedroom set with me-- I don't think it'd be feasible, not yet anyways. I'll wait 'til they say I *have* to take it, or I actually have space for it (aka: HOUSE/ SPACIOUS APARTMENT/ SOMETHING).

Frankly, I don't really care if I can't get benefits or whatever... sometimes, in life, certain sacrifices have to be made. If anything, I could always talk to my doctor about financing and health plans.

As for education/ school... Well, I plan on going back, and just adding credentials; for this, i'll prolly apply for OSAP. I need to sit down and figure out WHAT I want to do, and soon. I'm too old to be waffling between ideas. I know what I don't like.... but I don't know what I DO like. Ironic, isn't it?

Anyways... here's how I'm going to be breaking down my meager earnings come January. We'll be using an example of a pay stubs from a few weeks back-- I had taken just over a week off, due to school and me going away for the long weekend at the end of September:

Earnings after G.B.F (Government Butt-Fsck): $176.08--- don't let that fool you, remember I didn't really work. that's like... two days worth! My next pay will be in the low $300 I'm hoping... wishing for $400!

Investments: I plan on talking to my dad and talking to him about putting this plan into action. He came up with the idea that if we (the family) all put in a few bucks from each pay cycle and then at a set time (6 months, 12 months) invest it into stocks and such. I really liked this idea, and if we had done it back when he had mentioned it over a year ago, I wouldn't really need to be typing this. HAHAHAHA! I plan on putting roughly 10% of each cheque into this fund-- I'm not sure if I'll set up a new account, or just use the joint account that I've got going with dad already.
$176.08 - 10% (17.61; rounded whole= $20) = $156.08

Now... I'm working with $156.08. What's next? Well, I have to pay off that wonderful vacation (*deep sigh*)... I've made a small drop of $150 so far. the trip was rounded to $600... so yeah... mini math break:
$600 - 150= $450 not bad...

Now... We had agreed that I'd pay him what I could... which was supposed to be $50 for the first six months ($300 total), then $100 for the next three; the last few months have been a bit hectic because of school... i forgot how much transportation costs... We'll do that math later.

$156.08 - $50= $106.08 yiiiiiish

'Kay... so like... I still have school to go to... a 10-ride Go Transit ticket is $43.50, and 10 Mississauga Transit tickets are $22.50 (i believe?)... mini math break!

$43.50 + $22.50= $66 whattabitch!

Allright... so then we'll have to do out new total minus trans--- OH NO! FORGOT SOMETHING!

I pay for gas now. argh... the trials and tribulations of DRIVING. Add another $20 to that mini total ($86)

So Total minus Transportation:

$106.08 - $86 = $20.08 pittiful. just pitiful.

Oh dear... that's not good. and I still have to occasionally, oh, I don't know... EAT?! I am human, afterall... I'm being good lately... not too too much, but I'm trying... bringing snacks and lunches and drinks... but I know I've already spent quite a bit at school and work (not so much work tho) on drinks (mostly) and food... most times, I'm buying snacks for school/ work, so ha-ha! many times.... I just want a fancy drink :T

I've been really pissy and irritated at school, so I just can't bother to walk all the way across campus to York's mini-mall.

Why do I bring this up? Because I have two outstanding bills that need to get paid. a Visa bill of about $550 (most likely closer to $700... how the hell did that happen?! Oh yeah... School Books @ $160, food @ $100, misc....)

My phone bill is usually in the mid $50's-- which i find to be incredibly HIGH for the amount of usage it gets! but I can't really do much about it. I'm waiting 'til October next year to break out of this lousy plan and go maybe even to another company. Any recomendations? :9

I had my interest rate adjusted to something more sensible-- I was playing with 19.75% or something assinine like that! I'm now at about 7%, I can't remember exactly, but I'm VERY happy. I try and avoid additional charges by paying more than minimum if possible... I like to pay anywhere from double to triple the amount if I can. Most times, my minimum payment is $10 or $20, but I pay about $50 - $100. I don't want to be taking 5 years to pay off $600 because of bloody interest rates! Could you imagine how much of my money would be pure interest payments if i was A) still at a high rate, and B) paying only the minimum?! Lord have mercy on you slow-witted people with credit cards.

My card is a last resort-type thing... because I set up my debit card so I can only access one account (!!!)... therefor, if I try and use debit and I have insufficient funds in that account, I'll use my credit card, go home, and then take from my other account and pay it off before it's too late. Makes sense to me! It's just something I do to keep an eye on my monehs!

Thankfully, I'm making more than that every two weeks, and if I had my other pay stub, I could also factor in a proper 5% savings fund-- money that goes towards my place-- and a 2% spending etc. fund-- money that goes towards if i want to actually buy something.... like lunch. I think these numbers are reasonable for me right now, and as I make more (or less...), I can make adjustments where needed...

I also plan on rounding these numbers.... like I did with my investment money, I rounded it up from $17.61 to straight $20; therefore creating something that i could balance easier. Lets have a mini math break to show my savings and spendings! We'll use the whole paycheck for this:

$176.08 - 5% (I do this one first because it's more important) = $8.804... we'll round that to $10
$176.08 - 10% (I do this one next because this is the investment fund... this will be what helps pay for the previous one... or something like that...) = $17.608, rounded to $20
$176.08 - 2% (least important... frankly, I don't really care if I have spending money... but really, it's more than spending money... this is emergency money! If something should happen, you should always have some money on you, or accessible to you...)= $3.5216, rounded to $5

So... from this, I'll be putting almost $40 a month away into places where it'll be untouchable. Yes, I *may* dip into my 2% once in a while, but unlike my eating habits, I'm more controlled with my money, hehehehe....

This is all fine and dandy and convoluted as FUCK, really... but honestly... sometimes it's good to get this kind of stuff out in the open. I'm not ashamed or afraid of talking about this, especially in such an open forum, because if I don't, then who will? when I'm $10,000 in the hole and still living with my parents at 33?! Hells no! I've got businesses to open and enterprises to run. $10,000 should be my monthly salary, HAHAHAHAHA!

Young people shouldn't be afraid to talk money, especially with one another... we are our own greatest resources for information and ideas. We should be talking about what we do with our money, what we're doing with our money, and what we are going to do with our money.

There's a whole generation out there who live off of $8 coffees and $120 pants... most of these kids are living off of fat poppa and cushy momma, so they've not to worry... but there are some who are basically working for their next pair of shoes. I've worked with kids like that, and I've warned them against it. If you have to spend ONE WHOLE PAYCHECK on a pair of shoes, you've really got to sit down and have a good think about them:

how often will you wear these shoes?
are they for a particular event?
do they do anything to enhance your life?
do you understand what you COULD have bought with that money (this part, i always break it down in bus tickets; at my old job, i broke it down into how many burgers you could buy, both with and without a discount)?
if you had invested that money wisely, you could have saved that money, gained interest on it, and then when the shoes went on sale 4 months down the road, you'd have more than enough money to buy two or even three pairs of the shoes...?!

Yeah, that Baby Phat coat is pretty as hell, and that Crooks and Castles reverse-hoodie is dopealicious... but fashion changes at the drop of a dime... why not invest (there's that word again!) in timeless pieces? Not saying to NOT buy those really fly Reeboks, or that adorable Threadless tshirt... 'cause yeah, we're human, and I do stupid shit like that, too... so I'd be a flaming hypocrite to do so. That's what you call speaking from the side of your mouth. Or shooting hot fart, as I like to say.

I think I've prattled on long enough about this... I've got to go to school tomorrow, I skipped today, heheh. I've a friend waiting for me, so hopefully we can meet up. and I've lots of shat to doooooooo!

I hope y'all read this, and understand my mindset... it'd be great to hear what others are thinking, too...!


wtf... this entry took me over AN HOUR to type.... madness!




her profile is littered in white trash pictures... ack.

She's 20, her name's Ashley, and she lives in Ontario...

Myspace: a place for idiots.

im gonna go puke and sleep, f'reals...

:edit::: one more... please read the comments on this one, yo...




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